True but thats because hes a fetus.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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