I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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