I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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