Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
