Tell her she can't have a vagina
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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