help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You are the jesus of drinking
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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