The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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