He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
