just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.