New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.