it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.