did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.