I got chris browned last night
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize