I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
