Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
