She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
