I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
