Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
