but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
