I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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