Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
