My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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