Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
