The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
