We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
did i walk over a car last night?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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