we're blogging at a bar
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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