Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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