none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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