I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
