Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
