call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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