The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
