I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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