You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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