sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
