Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
