i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
