your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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