i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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