Will you blow on my dice?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
