at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
farters have to be the big spoon...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
