1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
