fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
