She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
