omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
