you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
