This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
