i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
