Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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