currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
