we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
