I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How does it feel to date your dad?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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