Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
