god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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