he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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