Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
