You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
