she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
