false alarm. still invincible.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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