Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
