I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i think i just lost a toe
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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