YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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