i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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