Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"