hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.