it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.