his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell