I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants