Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting