broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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