but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Someone signed my nipple.
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