i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dear god my vagina.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
