I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ambien. No doubt about it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
