false alarm. still invincible.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
