I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
