I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
