just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize