Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's just like the Real World with babies
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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