At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
