i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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