$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
kristin has been a bad kristin
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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