You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
