I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
