How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize